clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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