At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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