Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
