she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
