I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
