just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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