I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
