I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
