Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
