There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
