this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
