Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
