so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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