apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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