I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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