There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Randomize
