I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Drake has all the answers
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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