Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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