I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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