New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
