I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
