i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
