but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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