Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I have tasted many bathrooms
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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