That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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