My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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