apparently the secret to your success is patron
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
