I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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