i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
