the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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