Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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