dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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