LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
