I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
