Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
