Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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