Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
We are all done wearing pants today
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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