Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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