The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
