Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
