Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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