the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Well I just put wine in my tea
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
