i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
