Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
