in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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