Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
