there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
