If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
