I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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