P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
