So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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