After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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