You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
