you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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