Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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