I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
