i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
