Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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