I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
