just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize