New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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