too bad you live with your parents still
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
