I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
