i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
