K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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