so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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