My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
