You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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