Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
smell my finger.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
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