Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize