I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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