I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
